Carnival and Control: I popped my best friend's carnival cherry

If you’re anything like me one of the biggest and hardest pills to swallow in 2020 is the utter lack of control. I would not consider myself a “control freak”, but I have been reciting the prayer of serenity since I was in middle school trying to hard wire my brain to relinquish control of things I cannot change. That brings me to our topic of discussion today; Carnival and Control. I will never forget my first time experiencing carnival. I have always been a lover of soca music, but the euphoria and freedom that you experience playing mas is one that even when we try to put it in words, can only be understood if it is experienced. So with that, I’m reminiscing on a time when we weren’t worried about pandemics and were simply getting ready for the road. Considering today (October 11th) was supposed to be Miami Carnival 2020 I decided to ask my best friend Jerchovia aka @miss.moxey to put into words her first carnival experience, which was Miami Carnival 2019. Suffice it to say it all boils down to, you guessed it, CONTROL and how Carnival, like life requires you to succumb to her to experience her fully.

Why didn’t you want to come to Miami Carnival at first?

Initially, I wasn’t planning on going to Miami Carnival because I didn’t consider myself a carnival person. I liked the events and parties but to go on the road wasn’t something I was going to do. It was a last minute decision because I needed to get away and a moment of pause so I decided to piggyback on the preexisting plans and make it a girls shopping weekend for myself. But Carnival? No I wasn’t going on the road.

What was your perception of Carnival before you stormed?

My perception of it was that it was a big party on the road which I thought was cool. But at the same time I don’t like people touching me or in my space so it seemed very free but at the time too free for what I was interested in. Even when I stormed I wasn't completely comfortable with that aspect of it either. My perception was that it felt lively and wild but I was uncomfortable with not being able to control my experience of it; unlike when I watch it from a distance and dance in my little circle, where I can control my space and my experience.

What influenced that perception?

My perception of carnival is that it’s a freeing experience. Do I still think some people are a little too handsy? Yes. But you have to go in with the mindset of, “I am having fun”. And for me, my initial perception was if I go to a party that’s fine because if I don’t want someone in my space I can move. But with carnival you’re already in your costume which shows a lot of your shape, but the only thing that has really influenced my perception of carnival is experiencing it first hand and knowing you can still have “control” over your situation. But you have to come in with the mindset that you’re here to have fun, and you’re here to release and that’s what you’re going to do.

What was your perception of Jouvert before you jumped?

It’s not that I had a bad perception, I just didn’t think much of it before. I know what it is and it looks fun on video but I would have never said oh I want to do that. My perception was ok it’s a party with paint and you dance. I have been to jouvert parties in The Bahamas before so it wasn't anything that scared me,it was just knowing that once you participate in a carnival event you’re relinquishing control to have fun. And control is a big thing for me.

How do you feel about carnival now that you’ve experienced it for the first time?

I think carnival is an out of body experience. I remember my little prayer that morning, where I honestly was like Janaee if you want me to go fine; but at the same time I was struggling with feeling like I was trapped in a place in my life where I felt too old, too settled and that I wasn’t enjoying my life fully. I was really battling with that HEAVY before I went to carnival and it had no correlation. But when I experienced carnival I remember saying to myself, honestly God I really just want to have fun and be in this moment. That was the biggest thing; I wanted to be present. I didn’t want to think about how people view me right now. I care about right here, right now; and that’s all. And carnival teaches you that; where it allows you to be present if you choose to let carnival lead you.

If you choose to let carnival lead you it will teach you a lot of lessons. That day, it taught me to let go of anything else I was carrying with me. Funny enough, maybe it’s the marketer in me, but in carnival you have a little pouch and your backpack with you and that is it. Because you can’t take your stresses with you. You have to leave your labors in the car. Because when you come on the road you carry so little with you, you just have yourself. And you enjoy, and you live for you in that moment and allow it to take you wherever. That took me a lot of places this year. If I didn’t release and be present in that moment I wouldn’t have experienced a lot of lessons and people that I did this year if I hadn’t done that. I am grateful for carnival and the ability to let go and walk into myself. I guard myself naturally and I typically wouldn’t let anyone see me slipping or unpolished. But that time I said whatever; this is me if you like it you like it. If you don’t whatever.

How did carnival make you feel?

Carnival made me feel alive and free. Carnival for me was a release of so many things. Carnival was a release of stress and anxiety I had built up in my personal, professional and social lives. I had just finished the pageant and had so much shame. I was in a place specifically at Miami Carnival where I felt like no one knew me, no one was judging me, and no one would say “Oh hey I know her. What is she doing?!”. And that was such a relief; that I was in a place where no one knew me and that I could feel out who I was. I was at a point where I felt like I had to relearn myself. But this time I was able to let go and unlock a deeper part of myself that I knew was there but I had never let out before. After letting her out that first time, I do it unapologetically now.

How did jouvert make you feel?

Jouvert made me feel fun. That was my first full “step into it” moment. Honestly, just like carnival I didn’t want to go to jouvert. I was like “I came here to shop. And now y'all want me to mess up my hair?! This is ridiculous!”. I remember going in ewhen you (Janaee) went to pick up your jouvert pack, I was like I hope they ran out, I hope they ran out. But to be honest, you never know what you need until you get it. I thought I only needed time away from home, but I needed a SLAP of fresh air, and that’s what jouvert gave me and by a larger extent carnival gave me and I didn’t realize that was what I needed

What are the next 3 carnivals you want to experience?

I definitely had planned to do Bahamas Carnival (but you know corona). I really want to Grenada to play Jab. And I would go back to Miami Carnival - but actually do it in a costume and not as a stormer to get the full experience- because it’s nostalgic for me because that day specifically was a turning point in my life because I just allowed myself to be without judgement of people but most importantly without judgement of myself. So that was a lot of healing that I had to develop and even now I’m still learning from that.

Carnival or Jouvert? 

I would say jouvert. I like the idea of paint and water so jouvert is a lot of fun but I still want to create a look. I know the next time I do jouvert it’s going to be a look. That’s the only thing I wish going into this that I would come out the way Jerchovia would come out because I know what I’m capable of. I think jouvert definitely. Cute is good but sometimes you have to get down and dirty with it. Sometimes you have to get nasty with it and I like that.

I hope if you have been considering playing ah mas (post pandemic duh); that this pushes you over the edge. I wish someone had interviewed me; or that I had the foresight to interview myself after the first time I played mas. It 100% changes something in you. It awakens and engages this part of you that you might not have been tapped in with or knew existed. I hope that you can take the principles of carnival and relinquish control and succumb to the beauty that is live. Until I see you on the road again.

XOXO

Jae from The Last Mermaid